shaky shaky shaky.

can some one give me a reason?
probably not.
my theory today?
we are evolving.
i am ahead.
but it is getting more common.
yup.
it doesn't matter if it's true,
it's a theory,
a hypothesis,
if you will.

they had the right idea...

the beatles:
let it be.
bob marley:
don't worry be happy!

ps- did you know bob marley had a brain tumor?
interesting..
he had lots of other cancer too,
before or after the cannabis... i don't know.
if before, was it related?
i don't know.

if you do.. or just have a comment.. write!

pss- my homepage is now my facebook,
my "wishlist" is my myspace.

oh... and bob marley refused treatment.

the vacation mentality.

on every trip, i am my happiest.
i loooove any kind of trip,
and i think i've figured out why.
i live by my own rules.
they are:
create a world you like
and live in it.
i will try to take this philoshophy home,
as i did after cuba.
i will read this if i forget.

Superiority?

yeah... it doesn't exsist.

Your World.

Their are billions of worlds going on in this universe.
Each person, Animal, Blade of grass,
Has their own existence to worry about.
You can care...
But you really don`t have to.
It is your world.
You can do whatever you please.

happiness comes from within?

should i block out everthing i've ever been told,
since it was external?
opinions are so different,
and i don't know if mine are right or wrong,
how can i fight for something that might not be true?

It's a new day.

The shine is shining,
The birds are chirping.
I feel like im coming out of a fog.

feeling really guilty.

why do i complain so much?
i have food,shelter, people that love me,
and about ten thousand things that are completely unessacary.
with nothing to do but think, i am reflecting,
and my life has been amazing.
i definetly need to be more thankful.
it's time to figure out what i will do to give back.

Update- WARNING- This is not written by someone who feels fabulous.

For the first time in 2 weeks i have enough energy to type,
which is actually quite an accomplishment for me, as is have done nothing but sleeping, dreaming and being dragged to and from doctors.
I have become a walking pharmacy, taking.... everything.
I thought that i would be kind of depressed seeing that i need to take all of these drugs (perscription drugs)
in order to keep my eyes open,
but i actually feel releived.
If a drug will make me feel decent, i will take it.

The tumor in my head has grown, and it is inoperable, because it is on my brain stem.
I would like to thank friends for their concern, but i am only going to talk when i feel like it.
That is greedy, but i really dont care.

I have gone from the feeling of honestly wanting to die, to wanting to be a coma to whatever im feeling now. .. typing at least.

I am hopeful that i will continue to feel better,
but right now the only thing that is set is stone is that i am going to hawaii on friday,
now matter how i am feeling.
I am living every moment as thought it is my last,

Which, though i've always said that was one of my mottos,
this is the first time i am saying it honestly.
I do want to make a difference before i go,
I am healing, and im not predicting my doomsday,
that will remain a mystery,
and i will not end my own life, no matter how dismal it gets.

Things that seem useful to me, are maybe becoming a scientific study to better life conditions of others with tumors, or, if i acheive a recovery that lets me out of bed, i would really like to find fufillment, by helping others find fufillment.

I realize i have been much more inspiring in the past,
But this is how i feel right now.
On the bright side, i am feeling better i have in a while, and better is always good.

The future is undecided, and it could include chemo or radiation, but hopefully, eventual recovery, a return to school, grad, university, mystery, and lots of travel.

And a purpose... would be great.

WoWzeRs...

I have lots on my mind.
That's not abnormal,
But thinking about how much im thinking about,
Freaks me out.
Normally, I pretty much write my thoughts...
right now, the most I can do is write a word for each thought.
Time.
School.
Age.
Childhood.
Time.
Point.
Why?
Why?
Why?
Exsistence.
Magic.
Depressing.
Uplifting.
Choices.
Why?
It's enough to drive a person crazy,
If they try to understand.
I do, try,
But im not going to try so hard i do go crazy,
at least on my terms,
'Cause i really dont care what other people think.

Another thing, you live in your world, I live in mine, and even if i am your best friend, I have virtually no idea whats going on in you world, because i'm not there. I always try to remember this, so im not judgemental. Judgement isn't a job for humans, but it is hard not to, so i apoligize, for past and future judgements, and forgive you yours.

the things to remember

we were learning in school.
we were taught not kill,
back then,
we weren't taught it was wrong.
all of our worlds were taught in
different
times and places .
for some, it's that today is
still yesterday,
but dont interfere,
just let them elvolve.

getting a song out of my head

it's the end of the world as we know it,
i feel fine.

it doesn't really apply to my life
right now,
it's just playing over and over
in my head.

it's not the end of the world..
the world wont end until 20 12
so i've heard.

and i don't really feel fine.
im kinda shaken right now.
things around me- they're fine,
but i'm just not feelin it.

you create your reality!

think about it..
everything we have ever learnt,
was just something that a person
created discovered or said...
and you can believe it,
but you don't have to.
it's something someone,
just like you,
made reality.
if you don't like it,
create your own reality!

loves it.

it's a beautiful daay
don't let it get away.

seriously.
i walked to school,
and it feels like...
beautiful out.

when it gets as freaking freezing as it does in the winter,
i become miserable.
i neeeed to move when i grow up,
because the nice and hot saskatchewan summers
do not compensate for
the six-month-it's-so- cold-want -to-die winters.
im not hating,
on my home,
if i did the mayor might hunt me down.
it's a great place to live, really
... when it's warm
like now!

a beautiful quote.

labels are for cans,

not for people.

what is it good for?

absolutely nothing.
killing people doesn't stop people from killing.
i have never believed in war and i never will.
the people war kills, whether from our side or theirs,
are people.
does someone who kills the "enemy"
get sent to prison?
never.
war is saying that killing is fine, as long as the person
is from "the other side."
not only is that wrong,
but racist too.

lost in a magic utopia.

you dont know where you are,

but you want to leave.

so dont,

just stay forever.

italic

a lie,
that what i am saying,
has more elegance
than it really does
are people like that to?
do we put on make up to say,
we are prettier than we really are?
do we drink and party to feel,
cooler than we really are?
i can't say, but maybe,
it's something to think about.

true love

i know it exists,
and that one day it will be mine...
but i want it now.
it seems so magical and perfect.
i'm not a hopeless romantic,
but i have experienced little bits of it,
and i just want more.

Dee Dee Dee Dee Dee oooH..

you can have whatever you like
ohh
whats new pussycat?
wo oh ohh oh oh
just dance.

c'mon c'mon, c'mon c'mon,
i said!
what?
yupp.

bringing it up.

(i've already put this up, i just like it so im bringing to the top :)
my valium.
dance and sing and be happy.
the world is on fire,but i don't care.
escape.
dance and sing and be happy.
when im smiling,
im not caring,
about the bad things in the world.
death doesn't exist when im dancing.
the world is perfect when i sing.
in this world,
my world,
the bad things matter,
but they can't hurt me.
sad or mad and tears,
they don't last.
they will come,
but they will go.
the world will smile again.

an excuse.

everything i do
is my excuse
to stay lost in life.
i dont want to find the exit,
so i dont stop.
i dont look.
i just live.
im afraid,
that if i try understand life,
i will,& wont like it,
or
i wont, &fail miserably,
then be lost in confusion.
i keep myself too busy..
to look for, to find,
a purpose.

My Question:

Would you kill to live?
Explain.

no words.

i have so much to say,
but no words to say it.
it's like i don't know english,
when it comes to speaking my thoughts.
rather than being spanish though,
und non habla es anglais,
it's just that we have to wait.

im not allowed to say some of the things... yet,
though i want you to know.
i don't want to tell you other things... yet,
because when i unveil my thoughts,
i want to put on a good show.
but i do want to tell you.. we all have to wait.
my anticipation is growing,
at an incredible rate.

since when do i have to go out?

it's a saturday night, and apperently,
i'm expected to go party.
well usually, i do,
but am i not allowed to like,
stay in and just chill?
people actually think it's weird.
that i don't wanna go out.
in response to all the
"whats wrong, why don't you wanna do anything?"s
i've got today,
i am fine.
and i am doing things.
i finally cleaned my closet,
which if you had seen my closet dirty,
is a HUGE accomplishment.
im sorry guys-- for staying in,
but i dont regret.

^%$#@

i can be moody.
i hate it but it's true.
right now,
there is no reason for a bad mood,
yet my mood bad.
i want to be in a good mood,
but if someone says something stupid,
i might rip there head of.
i don't want to publish this,
i could just be faking the niceties right now,
but i am out to prove something.
EVERYONE is human.
we all have bad days,
and in life,
there are no flat characters.
people CAN be stereotyped,
but stereotypes are never true.
and you can think you know someone,
inside and out,
but you never will fully understand anything.
no one can.
this, is probably a good thing.
but, everytime, you would like to judge
another person...
don't.
you have not walked
everystep of their life with them.
you have not thought
every thought in their head.
everyone is equal.
you are human, i am human.
that girl you hate,
she's human.
oprah...
she is human.
we were all created equal...
so just don't judge.

My Purse.

I have had this purse for three years,
But used it for the first time today.
Everyday i pick a puse that matches my outfit,
And this,
Was the best fit.
It, however,
Has made me mad,
As it does not cooperate.
It wants the power,
And so do I.
I deserve the power,
It is just a purse.
This morning,
I attached a flower,
To pretty it up.
It did not want to look pretty,
It wanted to look tough.
Well I wasn't looking,
It threw my flower on the floor.
A while after I got mad at it,
It stabbed me with my pencil.
Before I take it out again,
My purse must learn to behave.

Pur P.

Purple
is my power colour.
Purple
stands for royalty.
Purple
holds up the rainbow.
Purple
dominates my wardrobe.
Purple
is more than a colour.
I feel trippy, hot, peaceful,
in the face of purple.

Purple
is a part of my life.

LiFE..

we don't fully understand,
why we are here,
all i know is not to waste..
the stay.
some get their chance,
taken away.
be thankful,
as yours could end --
at any time.
do want you want,
and do what you need,
to make your life truly happy.

"like attracts like.

good attracts good,

happy attracts happy."

-?

fridayyy

yaaay!
i love fridays =)
i go from a girl who works hard,
tooo...
i dunno.
but it is grrrrrr- eat!
-tony the tiger. lol.
today my horoscope says:
"now's your chance!
the planets are alligned in your favour."
now i don't know what it's my chance for,
but i have a hopeful idea.
i am still waiting for that chance to arise,
but i know it will.
i am thinkihg after this class it will.
that would be prime.
today isn't just good cause its a friday..
not allll fridays are this good.
take last friday for example,
i got my wisdom teeth removed.
eck.
bad, painful, friday.
i actually like every day,
but for different reasons..
my other favourite days are
tues, thurs, and sunday.
whats your favourite day?

my valium.

dance and sing and be happy.
the world is on fire,
but i don't care.
escape.
dance and sing and be happy.
when im smiling,
im not caring,
about the bad things in the world.
death doesn't exist when im dancing.
the world is perfect when i sing.
in this world,
my world,
the bad things matter,
but they can't hurt me.
sad or mad and tears,
they don't last.
they will come, but they will go.
the world will smile again.

"the upside of down?
there is hope for the future"
- ?

tooday..

my horoscope said "showing of will alienate you" soooo... i am not showing off today.
my first class is the second one because i have a spare in first.
it is.. BIO 30
theres's alot of homework, and BIO is not my forte, but it's a decent class.. im learning alot.
then i have a spare.. again.. lol.
which i use for thee homework i get, cause i can't do it at home.
once school is done.. it's done.. i refuse to work my but of all night and weekend when i could be doing other things.. my grades are good enough.
the at lunch, i have CHOIR.. tuesday, and wednesday.
i looove choir.
even if it weren't for a credit, i would be in it.
lots of my people are joining lately for credits, and i am glad.
choir is more fun, and the newbies don't know what they are doing, so they turn to me for clues of what to do.
some of the girls dance.
we laugh.
then ENGLISH.
i am an english nerd.
i hate that i am a nerd about it,
but english is my class.
CPT.
thats where i am now.
i was in foods, but switched..
im not here for the mark,
or the credit actually,
just somethin to do.
so far, it seems fun.